Why I Started Trusting
My Intuition Again?
I started trusting my intuition again after a long time. When I look back at my teenage years and early adulthood, I can see that my intuition was strong. I was sure about what I wanted, and many of my decisions worked out because I trusted myself. As I grew older and got involved in relationships and family dramas, life became more complicated, and slowly I stopped trusting myself. With relationships and family came new expectations & responsibilities, and slowly I stopped living for myself and started living for them. I am an open-minded person who believes in possibilities and does not believe much in social norms, but as I stayed closer to my family, outside opinions started influencing how I thought and how I made decisions, because everyone around me was following social rules and trying to satisfy social expectations. I started listening more to my family and to outside voices, both offline and online. I followed influencers blindly, and I read books and accepted ideas that never really felt like my own. Somewhere along the way, I stopped listening to myself and trusted other voices more than my own, which was something I had never done in my younger years.
When I look back now, I realize that for almost eight years I was surrounded by self-centered people who cared mainly about themselves and only pretended to care about me because I was the sole provider. Another thing I understood is that self-centered people attract other self-centered people because they understand each other better, and I did not belong to that group. Most of the people I met through my family were the same, and even many online influencers I was following seemed driven by attention and self-interest. I also realized that the books I was reading were based on other people’s lives and their way of thinking, which did not match my own life. When I look at it now, this explains a lot about those eight years of my life and why I felt disconnected from myself. I can either blame myself or blame them, but in the end it is nobody’s fault, this is how life works sometimes. I can now see how they questioned my thoughts, twisted my words, and slowly made me doubt my own understanding of situations through gaslighting, and most of this came from my own family members.
Everything was happening at the same time and it continued for almost eight years, but looking back now, I understand what was wrong and how deeply it affected my way of thinking during that period. Because I was surrounded by these people, both offline and online, they created many doubts in my mind, and different kinds of fears started coming from everywhere. When I look back now, those fears feel meaningless, and I do not understand why I behaved that way. I still try to understand it sometimes, and the only explanation I see is that when you live with certain people, especially close ones, and start listening to certain kinds of people, their thinking slowly starts influencing your own.
At one point in my life, I stopped feeling like myself. I began doubting everything I did and kept asking why this was happening to me, because it did not feel like who I really was. During one of my solo trips, when I stayed away from my family for more than a month, I slowly started feeling better and I did not understand why. At that time, I was also not listening to anything online. I felt a change inside me and began noticing patterns in my thoughts and behavior, and they were becoming more positive, more realistic, and more hopeful. That is when I realized who had been influencing me. If I had lived my own way during those eight years, many things would have been better for me. But I did not, because I was influenced by others, and I also blame myself for allowing that to happen. That one month of being alone helped me, for the first time in eight years, to see what was wrong and why. When I returned, I became very strict with my family. I spoke with them clearly and decided to create distance from them. I left my parents, divorced my wife, and moved far away from them. I also stopped listening to influencers and to people I used to follow. I stopped reading books and stopped doing all the things that were influencing my thoughts.
Within a year, I started noticing changes in the way I think and the way I live. Slowly, my intuition started getting stronger. I began trusting myself more and started doing the things I had always wanted to do. Over time, life started making sense again, just like it did in my younger years. Now I trust my intuition and follow it. Those eight years made me stronger and taught me how people behave and how situations can influence your thinking. I am sharing this because many people go through similar situations with their families and surroundings and slowly start doubting themselves. If something feels wrong, it can come from people close to you as well. Take care of yourself and do not give blind trust, even to those closest to you. Your intuition is built from your own life experiences, so listen to it.
Than You For Reading